Rallen Michael and Gabriella Annette

These past few weeks have been a whirlwind as we have spent our time trying to prepare for Rallen's arrival and for Gabriella's funeral. We have not taken much of a break due to the fact that we had no idea when we would deliver. The doctor told us mid-March but we did not feel like it would take that long.

During these past few weeks we have been reminded that God has never left us and that there are still good people in this world. From strangers offering to help us with expenses to those closest to us checking in on us, we have really felt loved. In these times it is especially easy for me to get mad at God and wonder what he is doing, but people's love and support has been a constant reminder that God has not forgotten about u and that He is still active in our lives at all times.

Starting Tuesday, but especially Wednesday and Thursday, I was not feeling good. I was having a lot of back pain and was just trying to sleep it off. Thursday we went about our appointments as always when one of the places suggested that we called our doctor just to tell him that I was not feeling too good. I told them that I had an appointment the next morning (Friday) so I would just wait but they strongly urged against it.

I called the nurse expecting her to tell me I was emotional and overreacting but to my surprise she told me I needed to come into the doctor's office immediately. We were close by so we went straight there and that is when the doctor checked me and told me that Gabi had broke my water but was blocking it and that is why I did not know. He then called us into his actual office and told us that he planned on delivering the babies Friday morning at 7:30 a.m.

This was hard for me as I kept telling Ren that I was not ready to let her go. I knew that she was gone and I was not in denial over this; however, she was still inside of me and that is where I wanted to keep her awhile longer. She on the other hand wanted out. We did not have any bags packed and we frantically started calling our pastor, funeral director, and family to let them know that the day was coming. The hospital staff went over and beyond their job descriptions and took such good care of us. As I sat there upset that I did not get any maternity pictures (because our appointment was this upcoming Saturday) the nurse was calling her husband to go pick up a camera while another nurse was getting a security guard to unlock a beautiful room down the hall from us so we could have pictures taken.

It was a very sleepless and rough night but then at 4 a.m. the pain killers were not helping and I started to have contractions in my hips. They called the doctor, who was sleeping across the hall, in to check me and he told me that we had to have our babies earlier than expected. Gabriella was the first baby they pulled out (at 5:29), but they rushed her away and id not let us see her. Rallen followed close behind (at 5:31). We only saw him briefly as they flashed him over the curtain and rushed him off to make sure he was breathing.

When they took us out to recovery is when they brought us Gabriella. All I can really say is that those moments we had with our daughter can never be forgotten. She was beautiful. Ren and I cherished every moment with her and we even took some pictures with her. The NICU was even generous enough to bring us Rallen for a few minutes so we could take a picture of the four of us. I saw a quote last weekend that said "Some people dream of angels: We held one in our arms", this could not summarize it any better.

It has been a rollarcoaster of emotions since Thursday. Losing a child is hard but being separated from the other one at the same time has been overwhelming. Rallen is doing well and is pretty much breathing on his own and today he even gets to eat. Ren and I look forward to his assessment times since that means we get to be active with him and talk to him. He is a very calm baby who I swear is a momma's boy already because he opened his eyes for me a lot and then the second Ren came around with the camera he closed them. Who knew I got him trained to run away from cameras already? :)

I cannot thank everyone enough for their support, as I mentioned previously. I hopefully get released on Monday, but that is best case scenario. Rallen will be in the NICU for quite awhile still as he still has a long way to go. Gabriella's funeral is on Thursday night but we do not know the exact time yet but we will keep everyone updated as we learn ourselves.