Too much of life is spent in the past, especially mine. I can look back at some events and identify that in a particular situation life as I knew it ended. What I have never been able to do until now is identify in the moment that life has changed.
Letting go of Ma was what I always wanted to do and now that she is gone I have been very confused about the euphoria of happiness, relief, and freedom that has passed over me. I feel incredibly guilty that as my family’s heart is breaking mine is healing. I now want to be around my family. I use to feel like I had this big secret to keep hidden and to be around people would make me accidentally slip some day. I use to get so angry and bitter at family functions because Ma was there pretending like nothing ever happened and life was great.
I am now free from those two emotions that had me enslaved for too long. I am now longing to be around my extended family. I even drove an hour Saturday just to hang out with my cousin and his wife; for the first time ever we had great conversation and I was sad when the night ended.
This is when everything in my life changed and I was set free from the past.
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