Identity Crisis

I do not know who I am anymore.

For years I have been going through an identity crisis wondering who I am, where I came from, and who I am going to be. Sometimes I felt more alive and felt like I knew exactly who I was but I let people talk me out of it and destroy my ideas because it was "unrealistic". Growing up I knew where I came from to only find out about the lies and uncertanties once I turned 18. I also use to have a career plan, but college does not seem like the place for me and I have been told that I am not capable of doing the job I really want.

Why do people feel the need to discourage others so much? Lately I have been talking to my friends about what they wanted to be as a kid. One told me that she wanted to be a nurse but was told she would not like the blood, long hours at work, or all the classes she would have to take so now she is taking some art classes and wondering what she should do. Why did that person steal her joy and her path? I have another friend who wanted to be in the NBA but is told that he is not tall enough and thinks that he does not have the right skills. Really? If that is really what you wanted could you not practice those skills and at least give it your all to AT LEAST try out and find out why your not eligible instead of letting those around you tell you your not good enough?

I wanted to work with kids. I want to work with kids. But everyone tells me I need to work on myself first. I understand that, but maybe my rawness is a good thing because I will grow strength and I have not been told how to respond but I could respond with my heart and experiences to help kids in a way that people with an education have overlooked? I do not want to do exactly what I learned out of a book because it is "right", I want to do what is right and what will benefit the kid. I have also been told it does not pay enough and I need a job that pays. Why? Do I not trust that the money will come and God will take care of my needs if I am doing what I was created to do?

Mother Theresa once said "If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one". That's what I want to do. I would love to have a profession in helping kids, despite all the criticisms; however, if I could start with one to prove everyone wrong about me I would. I am tired of pieces of me being stolen and taken away from me because people around me are not encouraging. I wish I could see past their constant discouragement and just know that it is what I was created to do and what makes me happy. I wish people would stop stealing my joy and just let me be me so I can learn who I am all over again.