- January - After Brewdaily's closed I could not find a job until a friend offered to let me work at her business. I became a temporary Tax preparer and learned a lot about co-workers. I have never had the privilege of working late hours every day in a small house with 8 chain smoking women. They also cursed worse than a sailor and while they would stop everything to pray and have worship music playing in the background they would throw out a little "GD" every once in a while. Definitely a new experience.
- February - Tax season slowed down and I lost my job (darn!). Matt had his ACL surgery so I spent most of my time with him because I had so much free time that I didn't even know where to begin. I ruined a good relationship possibility or two but I just was not looking for that and messed up a couple of friendships because I couldn't realize it sooner. Plus along with boredom comes bad decision making so I did some recreational experimenting just to see what I had been "missing out on". My brother took a big step in his life and took off a mask for the first time; while I am very proud of him for it, it definitely made the rest of 2009 interesting.
- March - Jeremiah got me a job working at Kruse where I quickly went from a few hours at night to full time. I loved my job and had fun meeting all my new co-workers; especially Steve.
- April - Steve and I started dating and I thought I met the love of my life. He was the first guy I kissed, the first guy I brought home to my parents, and first relationship that I didn't intentionally mess up but genuinely wanted to have one, so it was a pretty big deal. My brother continued to work on taking off his mask but others did not accept it well and life got complicated fast. I lost a lot of friendships and was looked down upon for my brother's honesty. I spent the rest of spring defending him and dealing with the rollercoaster that people took me on as they did not realize the real toll it was taking on me.
- May - I keet falling in lvoe with Steve more and more every day and our wedding plans began. We got into our first situation too where I thought I was going to get at spend my first night in jail but thankfully he was a professional in those situations and spared us the hassle.
- June - Everything fell apart. Steve left without warning and completely vanished from my life. I lost Hali Tyler and the life that I was preparing for myself (I never imagined that I would get married; yet have a family, but than Steve happened. Than he left and I was forced to go back to my original thought of living a single life and that was far from easy). I lost my job at Kruse due to a poor economy. I was taken advantage of by a man I trusted. Justin came back and toyed with my emotions and let me think that he would be there for me like he use to me.
- July - I called off the wedding (which was suppose to take place July 6th) as I realized that Steve was not coming back. I left on a road trip with Monica and the girls to her family's reunion for a time away and enjoyed the break from reality. I also got to go to CIY once again and have a feeling of normalcy again; however, coming home from that was not easy. So I decided on a Monday night that I needed to leave and by Tuesday afternoon I was headed to Tennessee.
- August - I spent some time in Knoxville with Kristi as I didn't know what my next step would be but I had a trust that it was better for me to be there than in Auburn for the time being. From there I spent time at Jubilee with Amber and experienced life as a country girl, and I sure did learn fast that it would never be the life for me. From there I spent time in Chattanooga with Jen and Jay and their 3 amazing kids. Jen was exactly what I needed and she helped me more than I think she could ever really know. I than went and stayed at Open Door and found my purpose again. The purpose that was stolen from me was replaced and refreshed as I lived life in the shelter and remembered i was put here to help others, not to dwell in the woes of my own life circumstances. Justin left once again, never to be heard from again for months, and I was left wondering what happened this time. My parents much gave up on me. They did not understand what was going on and did not approve of my choices as I should have been looking for a job not traveling though states alone.
- September - I came home refreshed and with a purpose, for about a week; than the depression kicked in. I was told that I needed to find a new place to live as I had lost the little relationship I had with my parents. They were refoced on another person who needed their attention so I understood but I needed them too. I moved into my first apartment the last week of the month.
- October - My neice was born, but I of course chickened out of seeing her and dealing with all the situations that could have erupted from my visit. I spent most of this month wasting time and sitting alone as I had no idea how I was going to afford an apartment since Steve left with my bank account when he left my life.
- November - Most of my nights were spent drunken and out of my right mind as I was trying to cope with too much on my own. My grandmother got sick and while I was not on good terms with her I was forced into taking care of her and put into an angry rage for the next few weeks until she passed away. Than my grieving process began and it was much rougher than I expected; owever, I became closer to some of my cousins and felt a major sense of relief. I could now be around my family without my grandmother being there to make me upset.
- December - I enjoyed more family events than I ever have in my entire life; and for the most part I enjoyed them! I participated in Christmas festivities as I decorated my apartment, sent cards to the biological family, and even bought presents for the adopted family (all firsts for me).
This Decade in Brutally Honest Review:
- 2000 began with worrying about the Y2K and me transferring schools while dealing with typical teenage apathy. 9/11 happened and the world changed dramatically, maybe because I was just becoming conscience of the world around me, but I think a lot of people would agree that life changed. It was also the same time that I lost my grandfather and dealt with a deep depression. I went through unhealthy addictions and lost most ambition towards life until I transferred back to DeKalb in 2002. In 2003 I was baptized and became so unvolved with my church that I finally found a little break in my life. In 2004 I was proposed to for the first time and in 2005 I graduated. The same day I graduated I drove past my biological family and opened a new door. Little did I understand how much they would affect my life for the next year! I ended up transferring home to my parent's house and worked at Brewdaily's and ProFed. I loved my job as a bank teller, but not the drama of working with all women. In 2006 I was proposed to again, but that was pretty much the worse irrational decision ever made; good thing it didn't work out. In 2007 I turned 21 and started to enjoy life a little too much, but I grew up and learned a lot about myself. 2008 was rather uneventful except that I decided that it wasn't worth working in a bad environment if it was compromising who I was, so I took a stand for myself and quit my job and began the life of unsteady employment.
This past decade definitely influenced who I am today and was a definite rollercoaster ride to find myself and this past year was full of surprises, disappearances, and firsts to say the least. So here is 2010... Please be gentler with me and give me a year of goodness and positive change. Be a year where I can be all that God intended for me and allow me to be a positive light in the life of others instead of dwelling in my own emotions. 2010, please just be a better year for me, ok?
