I think I am going to learn a lot

I had an incredibly hard time pulling out of my driveway today and saying goodbye to my dad so before I was even a block away I had to make a phone call and have Justin reaffirm me that I was doing the right thing for me. I have spend so much of my life wanting to please other people and not hurt their feelings, even at the expense of my own, that I did not really know what to do. I knew my family would not be happy with my decision but I knew it was what I needed so I took a risk and was selfish and did not care about how much it could hurt others that I just up and left. I apologize to those it affected that I might not have even known but please understand this is what I needed, at least for now, and please be excited for my journey because I definitely need the encouragement to keep going.

Justin needed a ride to Logansport and while I knew that was out of my way I did not mind and little did I know that it was a huge blessing in disguise. Since he was with me during the first part of the trip I could break down and have my freak out moments without worrying about getting into an accident or just feeling utterly alone. I like when God knows better than I do and by the time we got to his house, which took an extra few hours since Justin doesn’t know where he lives, I was confident and ready to embark onto the unknown.

Since I had such a long drive down South I listened to a lot of music and realized something important: when I was playing worship/praise music I did not get lost and had confidence to pull out 100 year old trees and throw them at people’s faces; however, when I put on secular music that I knew would not be God honoring or pleasing I would get lost and discouraged. Even when Justin and I had got lost I said “We need to get Satan out of this car and get Jesus back!” and sure enough as soon as I changed the station Justin says “ohh, there’s my house!”

Karalee gave me a call when I reached Indy to see what I was doing and gave me a challenge. So I will hopefully find a homeless shelter to stay in for a night or two. I can’t say no to a triple dog dare. Little did she know that she reminded me about how I have wanted to be homeless for so long now and that I really could be now. So HA to Matt, Michael Harter, and everyone else who told me I was a girl so I could not be homeless because it was not safe. Now I can and no one can stop me :)

I did not get to my destination until 3 in the morning and a few times I had tried to pull over and take a nap but every time someone would call me and give me enough energy to keep going awhile longer and so I made it with no naps, breaks, or incidents. Once I got to Knoxville, TN to stay with Kristi I had to pull over and charge my phone for a minute though because it was dead and I needed to get on my text messages to see where I needed to be going. I pulled into a Pilot gas station and talked to 2 female attendants to see if they would let me plug in my phone and while the one agreed the other one sent me outside to use a plug in by the ice machine. Well, she won unfortunately and I walked out to where it was completely dark and plugged my phone in. I looked up at one point because I kept hearing yelling and I saw a few men in a car yelling in my direction so I started to pay attention and they kept telling me to come to their car and they would let me use their phone. I told them that I needed a text but thanks but they did not give up and kept persisting that I should make my way over to their car and talk with them. I kept on my mission and was trying to think fast on how I was going to get to my car without it turning into a scene and that is when the police officer pulled in. He told them to stop talking to me and I watched him watch me until I pulled out of the parking lot. Thank you Mr. Police Officer for protecting me.

I learned today that coincidence is stupid and that it is taking away from time I could be praising God. I do not think it was a coincidence that my mom was gone when I woke up this morning and that my dad took a random vacation day on a Tuesday. I do not think it was a coincidence that I emptied out my room and that I could pack up quickly and fit everything I own into my car. I do not think it was a coincidence that Justin needed a ride and I needed him to support me and be my strength for awhile. I do not think it was a coincidence that when Satan music was not allowed in my car that I became found; too bad I did not figure out it was that easy before. I do not think it was a coincidence that people were awake and thinking of me and called me right when I thought I could not drive any farther. I do not think it was a coincidence that Karalee reminded me about my passion for being homeless; I can only hope that it means that I will get to do something with that on this adventure. I do not think it was a coincidence that the police man was there to protect me. I do not think it was a coincidence that Monday night I thought of Kristi and that she would be on my way down. I do not think it was a coincidence that she is moving on Saturday and I caught her right before she left. If any of these events would have had a little twist I would not be here in Knoxville, I would have been at home discouraged and upset. Hooray for noticing God winking at me ;)