Lately I have kept kind of quiet about my fears, failures, and future because honestly they are all a jumbled up mess and I have no idea what is going on most days. But lately I have been so jealous of Joel and his child like faith that I have to share it. If he does not prove the quality of Child like Faith I don't know whatever will. I find myself jealous of his faith and I wish I had that kind of courage to just ask for the best of the best; however, most days I am too selfish that I just want the here and now and I pray for vagueness and quick answers but I think God has been shouting at me to pray for more specifics because even though the Holy Spirit intervenes and makes my words perfect, I still need to stop asking for crumbs when I could be served top of the line steak.
I grew up in church so I know the whole "ask and you shall receive" line, so I ask ask and ask some more but Matthew, Luke, and Mark put this into more of a Joel perspective...
Matthew: "But Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Yes—and if you embrace this kingdom life and don't doubt God, you'll not only do minor feats like I did to the fig tree, but also triumph over huge obstacles. This mountain, for instance, you'll tell, 'Go jump in the lake,' and it will jump. Absolutely everything, ranging from small to large, as you make it a part of your believing prayer, gets included as you lay hold of God."
Luke: "Don't bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need. This isn't a cat-and-mouse, hide-and-seek game we're in. If your child asks for bread, do you trick him with sawdust? If he asks for fish, do you scare him with a live snake on his plate? As bad as you are, you wouldn't think of such a thing. You're at least decent to your own children. So don't you think the God who conceived you in love will be even better?
Mark: "Jesus was matter-of-fact: "Embrace this God-life. Really embrace it, and nothing will be too much for you. This mountain, for instance: Just say, 'Go jump in the lake'—no shuffling or shilly-shallying—and it's as good as done. That's why I urge you to pray for absolutely everything, ranging from small to large. Include everything as you embrace this God-life, and you'll get God's everything. And when you assume the posture of prayer, remember that it's not all asking. If you have anything against someone, forgive—only then will your heavenly Father be inclined to also wipe your slate clean of sins."
I want to accomplish major feets and triumph over huge obstacles! I want to stop with the cat and mouse game! I want to forgive more! I want to really embrace the God-life that was intended for me! But what does that mean? This seems so obvious, but so hard to grasp because if it was that easy, wouldn't everyone be doing it?
It is time to start praying for specifics. It is time to start praying that God opens the door so I can buy a business. I need to start praying for my position in the church and that I can be in the right place at the right time. I need to pray for the kids I cannot wait to adopt someday. I need to pray for money for that. I need to pray for my confidence, strength, and happiness. I need to pray for true, authentic friendships. I need to pray for my relationship with that heartbreaking boy and that he turns into my prince charming. I need to pray for my dream job. I need to pray for a forgiving heart towards my family. I need to pray that love always wins. I need to pray for doses of child like innocence. I need to pray that I never forget Joel and his courage of a mustard seed to ask questions and demand answers when no one else would.
But by asking for what I want to be done am I missing out on what God wants me to do?
Maybe if I understand God then I would not ask for things He would not intend for me to ask for?
Is it ever ok to ask for vagueness out of Faith that whatever happens will work out some how?
Maybe child like faith is only intended for children and these moments are only to remind me that they are precious but I am an adult now so should I be considerring more "adult-like" and "mature" issues?
Perhaps I am overthinking this whole thing and I just wasted a lot of time that I could have been doing something much more effective?
1 comment:
Beautiful and well said!
yes the video was inspiring! living with that kind of faith is what i'm after, where He has to show up or else.
Its funny how we both want this... and yet i'm wondering if it's already happening. neither one of us has a plan yet know with confidence that He is doing somehting big, bigger than what we could dream for ourselves.
" God works best when our plans are off the table."
being plan-less as terrible as it may be is perhaps the first step to this faith. He has to come through!
know that you're not alone :-)
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