A different little girl, I had never met before asked me to take her to the hospital because her head hurt, and while there were no apparent signs of her really being ill, I took her and her grandmother to the free clinic the next morning. This little eight year old then asked to be reminded why she was even there before she went into see the doctor and when she came out with a bottle of Toddler Tylenol her grandmother was furious that this was all they gave her to help the pain. On the drive home this 400 pound, toothless grandmother told me stories of her life and how her appearance has made her very lonely and how she spends many weekends in jail because of her inappropriate behavior that she displays frequently in public. A social worker might hear this story and want to step in to make sure that the grandmother was not trying to use this little girl to get her next fix, and to make sure that this little girl is getting the attention she needed in between the weekends the grandmother is incarcerated, so should I report this based on funny feelings and obvious attempts of reaching out for help and risk this family being separated?
The last two summers I have spent at least one night a week watching refugee kids while their Mormon Mothers become Americanized by Christian Women. I went back to the apartments this week and played with a family of five children ranging from 16 years old to a 2 year old with water on the brain, and there were no parents within sight. The 16 year old told me many stories about her strict father who longs for his children to keep their traditions and religious values of their native country of Chad. She told me how she desires to be a normal kid who can dress how they please, watch "Dancing with the Stars", and go to the movies with classmates. She is being robbed of the American Dream by having to live a life of seclusion as if she was still in Africa, but yet it seems to work for their family, so should I try to help her with her four little siblings so she can have a break from responsibility or just let them continue their parenting style without disruption?
Stereotypes of how people should live or what people are doing wrong are everywhere. Professors are teaching students how to identify people based on their actions, but is that always appropriate? Malpractice suits have reached an all time high as doctors are being taught to base diagnosis on prior case studies instead of analyzing what the current patient is dealing with right now and moving forward from the night time news, such as 20/20, has even began to stereotype people with their new series where they entice older men by finding their weaknesses, deceiving them, and then labeling them a "predator" for the world to know because the men fell for their inhumane traps.
How do we ever expect to move past stereotyping and start loving when it is engulfing every facet of life? When does love stretch far enough to see past symptoms and struggles and look into gifts and potential?
6 comments:
I don't really know how to respond to some of your situations, but to the first I would say to be careful of what you accuse someone of based on one injury. Alert other adults to your suspicions so they can be observant as well, but beyond that there is not much you should do.
As for the Chad refugee children. Continue to be there friend. As long as the way the child is being raised is not emotionally or physically abusive, then it is solely the parents' responsibility.
A couple of things: 20/20 is NOT the news; it's a news magazine program, so it really falls into the realm of entertainment. Take care not to equate actual news reporting with primetime programming, which are highly developed and definitely have a non-news agenda.
Doing what you do is hard, Marci, and I think working with people "less fortunate than ourselves" lends itself to self-examination.
People in helping professions, I think, must train many times NOT to intervene in personal situations until they're asked to do something specific. My perceptions of another person's experience may not accurately reflect what's going on. An affectionate father, unemployed or not, does not EQUAL an abuser.
As Freud said, "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."
I'm interested in your comment that college professors teach students "to identify people by their actions." Maybe college professors ought to equally teach students to Mind One's Own Business.
Trying to help others is the angels' work. Don't get discouraged.
Elisabeth, that is exactly what I mean about accusing people. I do not want to accuse people but I hate that it seems so natural, and socially acceptable to judge others based on previous situations that might have slight similarities. It is very frustrating to me to make that line between seeing where to intervene based on intuition and facts and when to let parents raise their children however they desire. Is one option really any better than the other?
Your question: "How do we ever expect to move past stereotyping and start loving when it is engulfing every facet of life? When does love stretch far enough to see past symptoms and struggles and look into gifts and potential?"
For most people in today's world, that would be like becoming the equivalent of Mother Theresa! (practically unattainable)
And then... if you managed to get close to this ideal... the next test of character would be to not get jaded and discouraged when you get mistreated and taken advantage of more often than appreciated...!
That is sooo true!
Yes, I truly think it is best for a child to be raised by their parents in the manor they seem fit. Our job as a society is to step in only where there is the need. Parents sometimes feel that they don't have the time or the knowledge to educate their children personally, so they send them to public or private schools with the belief that we are not undermining any values they have instilled in their children unless those values are harmful to them or others. What the parents wish the children to not watch on TV is not something that needs to be interfered with.
Don't punish parents who care... that goes with both situations.
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