I Now Pronounce You Man and Wife

"To have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickenss, or in health, to love and to cherish till death do us part"

I grew up never expecting to say these words. While my friends were playing house I just didn't care. It seemed so far away and definitely not worth pretending about.

Now I am 23 and have a new perspective.

Last year my world was rocked and all the sudden it was thrown in my face that I was going to be saying those words and while it freaked me out I was excited. Then he was gone and I did not know what to do without those words. I had got my hopes up and saw my future as a wife and mother and now I was back to single and alone.

Now I am at the same place as last year. I want to say those words. I mean those words. Ren is the one for me that I want to hold every night, if it is good times or bad times, if we have money or not, if we are sick or healthy, and I will love and cherish him for the rest of my life. I do not even have to think twice about it or be nervous. He has waited for me and has handled situations very well with me that I would never want to consider having to go through with someone else.

Unfortunately I am pushing him away to hard. I am not a good person to date, and I will likely fail at these vows even with the best intentions, but it is what I desire I think in the end God will honor that and help me through. I have so much love to give but fail to show it. I do not think before I act and I get lost in the moment and it just hurts him. He is ready to give up, and I do not blame him; however, I hope he knows how much I am trying, how that everytime I hurt him I beat myself up and lay awake thinking about how dumb I am. I do not know what he sees in me most days but I see the future with him. He is what I want and who I could not live without. I am just hoping that he sticks with me because I cannot handle being single and alone again. I am ready to be Mrs. Thacker and have children of my own. I am ready to be pronounced man and wife. I am ready to begin forever.