I left Kristi’s excited to go see Amber but when I looked at an Atlas I saw that there was no easy way to get to her. I pulled over and mapped it out to find 2 very different routes. One was more of a straight line but full of turns and side roads and the other was out of my way but only had a few turns on major highways. After remembering CIY last week I decided to take the way of the Israelites which seems out of the way but left me right where I needed to be.
The moment I saw the “Georgia on my mind” sign I texted Jen with excitement that I was finally in the same state as her; that’s when she texted back with “pray for me”. Because I took the Israelite way I was actually “coincidentally” passing her house! So I was able to turn around and take an hour out to spend with her. Thank you Israelites!
I finally reached Amber a few hours late because of traffic jams and wrong turns and as I pulled in I saw her jumping up and down. I jumped out of my car, before it was parked, and shed a tear and hugged her and Rochelle as they greeted me. The past few years Amber has been on an amazing journey and I was about to actually see a part of it!
Despite my overwhelming excitement tonight was rough for me. I don’t know why but my mind was elsewhere and my heart was heavy. I wish I could explain it but amidst my discouraging time I received the perfect text that said: “Well even when you don’t feel like being there you should make the best of it. Go exploring and go looking for God and I KNOW YOU WILL FIND SOMETHING AMAZING, AND YOU WILL HAVE A BLAST. Just pray about it.”
I am so blessed with amazing friendships, even if I am miles away!
7.31.2009
7.30.2009
And on the 7th day I rested
Ok… I know it has not been 7 days but exhaustion and allergy medicine caught up to me and I slept most of today away.
Today was a relaxing day since I did not wake up till after 4. Kristi and I went to dinner and caught up on life and I realized why I came to Knoxville. Kristi is moving back to Auburn and is in the process this week of saying good bye to friends and I think that I came to help with the transition. I know she wishes I was in Auburn with her but it is her taste of Auburn before plunging back in. I will be sad to leave her tomorrow but I am glad that I got to see what the last year of her life has been like.
We ended up walking around downtown Knoxville today and while I did not get to see my homeless man I did play the role of dumb tourist and took lots of pictures so make sure to check them out! I will try to tell stories along the way of our ditzy, crazy times we had.
Also, make sure to check out the video I will be posting. Kristi found a cockroach in her apartment and when we got back she told me she found it and that it was dead… she lied. 15 minutes later I saw it a few feet away from me and the rest was just entertaining so make sure to check it out!
Today was a relaxing day since I did not wake up till after 4. Kristi and I went to dinner and caught up on life and I realized why I came to Knoxville. Kristi is moving back to Auburn and is in the process this week of saying good bye to friends and I think that I came to help with the transition. I know she wishes I was in Auburn with her but it is her taste of Auburn before plunging back in. I will be sad to leave her tomorrow but I am glad that I got to see what the last year of her life has been like.
We ended up walking around downtown Knoxville today and while I did not get to see my homeless man I did play the role of dumb tourist and took lots of pictures so make sure to check them out! I will try to tell stories along the way of our ditzy, crazy times we had.
Also, make sure to check out the video I will be posting. Kristi found a cockroach in her apartment and when we got back she told me she found it and that it was dead… she lied. 15 minutes later I saw it a few feet away from me and the rest was just entertaining so make sure to check it out!
7.29.2009
A day in Knoxville
Tonight I had dinner with Eric & Cheryl. They were high school sweethearts who lost each other for 10 years, married other people, and have now been married for 20 years. It was awesome to see the two of them have such a great connection and understanding for each other and laugh and enjoy each other’s company as much as they do. They might possibly be the funniest people I have ever met so here are just a few stories from the night:
• Cheryl made Eric apologize for leaving a “stinky” in the bathroom.
• Cheryl thought it was odd that I thought it was odd that she dresses like an elf for Christmas. And it was not for a company Christmas party or for the enjoyment for little kids to see… she just does it.
• Eric explained “you know you are a hillbilly when…” jokes perfectly. I did not know that people owned up to being hillbillies and supported those jokes entirely while being able to even expand on them.• Cheryl’s step father is also her brother in law. Eric’s brother is also his father in law. Yes, the family trees grow in circles around here.
• Eric wore shorts that I think are illegal in all other 49 states, but for some reason seemed well loved in his household.
• Texting and sleeping are 2 things not allowed during movies. Eric will constantly pause the movie until I was done texting or Cheryl would throw water bottles at me until I opened my eyes. And no, taking allergy medicine before a movie is not a good excuse for falling asleep.
They openly discussed hard times in their lives and marriage and made an impact on me as they shared freely. I hope to see them again someday. Thank you Kristi for sharing your Tennessee parents (but you can have them back) :)
Kristi and I spent the rest of the night walking downtown where the first thing I noticed was a homeless man. I wanted to go and sit down next to him as soon as I saw him but since Kristi did not know about my passion and love towards them I did not want to freak her out until I warned her. I sent a message to Justin telling him how sad I was and how affected I was by seeing homeless people all over and he sent a message back saying “Help one in the name of God”; however, when I went back the man was gone. I hope I have another chance. I’m so glad that my passion for others is back.
• Cheryl made Eric apologize for leaving a “stinky” in the bathroom.
• Cheryl thought it was odd that I thought it was odd that she dresses like an elf for Christmas. And it was not for a company Christmas party or for the enjoyment for little kids to see… she just does it.
• Eric explained “you know you are a hillbilly when…” jokes perfectly. I did not know that people owned up to being hillbillies and supported those jokes entirely while being able to even expand on them.• Cheryl’s step father is also her brother in law. Eric’s brother is also his father in law. Yes, the family trees grow in circles around here.
• Eric wore shorts that I think are illegal in all other 49 states, but for some reason seemed well loved in his household.
• Texting and sleeping are 2 things not allowed during movies. Eric will constantly pause the movie until I was done texting or Cheryl would throw water bottles at me until I opened my eyes. And no, taking allergy medicine before a movie is not a good excuse for falling asleep.
They openly discussed hard times in their lives and marriage and made an impact on me as they shared freely. I hope to see them again someday. Thank you Kristi for sharing your Tennessee parents (but you can have them back) :)
Kristi and I spent the rest of the night walking downtown where the first thing I noticed was a homeless man. I wanted to go and sit down next to him as soon as I saw him but since Kristi did not know about my passion and love towards them I did not want to freak her out until I warned her. I sent a message to Justin telling him how sad I was and how affected I was by seeing homeless people all over and he sent a message back saying “Help one in the name of God”; however, when I went back the man was gone. I hope I have another chance. I’m so glad that my passion for others is back.
7.28.2009
I think I am going to learn a lot
I had an incredibly hard time pulling out of my driveway today and saying goodbye to my dad so before I was even a block away I had to make a phone call and have Justin reaffirm me that I was doing the right thing for me. I have spend so much of my life wanting to please other people and not hurt their feelings, even at the expense of my own, that I did not really know what to do. I knew my family would not be happy with my decision but I knew it was what I needed so I took a risk and was selfish and did not care about how much it could hurt others that I just up and left. I apologize to those it affected that I might not have even known but please understand this is what I needed, at least for now, and please be excited for my journey because I definitely need the encouragement to keep going.
Justin needed a ride to Logansport and while I knew that was out of my way I did not mind and little did I know that it was a huge blessing in disguise. Since he was with me during the first part of the trip I could break down and have my freak out moments without worrying about getting into an accident or just feeling utterly alone. I like when God knows better than I do and by the time we got to his house, which took an extra few hours since Justin doesn’t know where he lives, I was confident and ready to embark onto the unknown.
Since I had such a long drive down South I listened to a lot of music and realized something important: when I was playing worship/praise music I did not get lost and had confidence to pull out 100 year old trees and throw them at people’s faces; however, when I put on secular music that I knew would not be God honoring or pleasing I would get lost and discouraged. Even when Justin and I had got lost I said “We need to get Satan out of this car and get Jesus back!” and sure enough as soon as I changed the station Justin says “ohh, there’s my house!”
Karalee gave me a call when I reached Indy to see what I was doing and gave me a challenge. So I will hopefully find a homeless shelter to stay in for a night or two. I can’t say no to a triple dog dare. Little did she know that she reminded me about how I have wanted to be homeless for so long now and that I really could be now. So HA to Matt, Michael Harter, and everyone else who told me I was a girl so I could not be homeless because it was not safe. Now I can and no one can stop me :)
I did not get to my destination until 3 in the morning and a few times I had tried to pull over and take a nap but every time someone would call me and give me enough energy to keep going awhile longer and so I made it with no naps, breaks, or incidents. Once I got to Knoxville, TN to stay with Kristi I had to pull over and charge my phone for a minute though because it was dead and I needed to get on my text messages to see where I needed to be going. I pulled into a Pilot gas station and talked to 2 female attendants to see if they would let me plug in my phone and while the one agreed the other one sent me outside to use a plug in by the ice machine. Well, she won unfortunately and I walked out to where it was completely dark and plugged my phone in. I looked up at one point because I kept hearing yelling and I saw a few men in a car yelling in my direction so I started to pay attention and they kept telling me to come to their car and they would let me use their phone. I told them that I needed a text but thanks but they did not give up and kept persisting that I should make my way over to their car and talk with them. I kept on my mission and was trying to think fast on how I was going to get to my car without it turning into a scene and that is when the police officer pulled in. He told them to stop talking to me and I watched him watch me until I pulled out of the parking lot. Thank you Mr. Police Officer for protecting me.
I learned today that coincidence is stupid and that it is taking away from time I could be praising God. I do not think it was a coincidence that my mom was gone when I woke up this morning and that my dad took a random vacation day on a Tuesday. I do not think it was a coincidence that I emptied out my room and that I could pack up quickly and fit everything I own into my car. I do not think it was a coincidence that Justin needed a ride and I needed him to support me and be my strength for awhile. I do not think it was a coincidence that when Satan music was not allowed in my car that I became found; too bad I did not figure out it was that easy before. I do not think it was a coincidence that people were awake and thinking of me and called me right when I thought I could not drive any farther. I do not think it was a coincidence that Karalee reminded me about my passion for being homeless; I can only hope that it means that I will get to do something with that on this adventure. I do not think it was a coincidence that the police man was there to protect me. I do not think it was a coincidence that Monday night I thought of Kristi and that she would be on my way down. I do not think it was a coincidence that she is moving on Saturday and I caught her right before she left. If any of these events would have had a little twist I would not be here in Knoxville, I would have been at home discouraged and upset. Hooray for noticing God winking at me ;)
Justin needed a ride to Logansport and while I knew that was out of my way I did not mind and little did I know that it was a huge blessing in disguise. Since he was with me during the first part of the trip I could break down and have my freak out moments without worrying about getting into an accident or just feeling utterly alone. I like when God knows better than I do and by the time we got to his house, which took an extra few hours since Justin doesn’t know where he lives, I was confident and ready to embark onto the unknown.
Since I had such a long drive down South I listened to a lot of music and realized something important: when I was playing worship/praise music I did not get lost and had confidence to pull out 100 year old trees and throw them at people’s faces; however, when I put on secular music that I knew would not be God honoring or pleasing I would get lost and discouraged. Even when Justin and I had got lost I said “We need to get Satan out of this car and get Jesus back!” and sure enough as soon as I changed the station Justin says “ohh, there’s my house!”
Karalee gave me a call when I reached Indy to see what I was doing and gave me a challenge. So I will hopefully find a homeless shelter to stay in for a night or two. I can’t say no to a triple dog dare. Little did she know that she reminded me about how I have wanted to be homeless for so long now and that I really could be now. So HA to Matt, Michael Harter, and everyone else who told me I was a girl so I could not be homeless because it was not safe. Now I can and no one can stop me :)
I did not get to my destination until 3 in the morning and a few times I had tried to pull over and take a nap but every time someone would call me and give me enough energy to keep going awhile longer and so I made it with no naps, breaks, or incidents. Once I got to Knoxville, TN to stay with Kristi I had to pull over and charge my phone for a minute though because it was dead and I needed to get on my text messages to see where I needed to be going. I pulled into a Pilot gas station and talked to 2 female attendants to see if they would let me plug in my phone and while the one agreed the other one sent me outside to use a plug in by the ice machine. Well, she won unfortunately and I walked out to where it was completely dark and plugged my phone in. I looked up at one point because I kept hearing yelling and I saw a few men in a car yelling in my direction so I started to pay attention and they kept telling me to come to their car and they would let me use their phone. I told them that I needed a text but thanks but they did not give up and kept persisting that I should make my way over to their car and talk with them. I kept on my mission and was trying to think fast on how I was going to get to my car without it turning into a scene and that is when the police officer pulled in. He told them to stop talking to me and I watched him watch me until I pulled out of the parking lot. Thank you Mr. Police Officer for protecting me.
I learned today that coincidence is stupid and that it is taking away from time I could be praising God. I do not think it was a coincidence that my mom was gone when I woke up this morning and that my dad took a random vacation day on a Tuesday. I do not think it was a coincidence that I emptied out my room and that I could pack up quickly and fit everything I own into my car. I do not think it was a coincidence that Justin needed a ride and I needed him to support me and be my strength for awhile. I do not think it was a coincidence that when Satan music was not allowed in my car that I became found; too bad I did not figure out it was that easy before. I do not think it was a coincidence that people were awake and thinking of me and called me right when I thought I could not drive any farther. I do not think it was a coincidence that Karalee reminded me about my passion for being homeless; I can only hope that it means that I will get to do something with that on this adventure. I do not think it was a coincidence that the police man was there to protect me. I do not think it was a coincidence that Monday night I thought of Kristi and that she would be on my way down. I do not think it was a coincidence that she is moving on Saturday and I caught her right before she left. If any of these events would have had a little twist I would not be here in Knoxville, I would have been at home discouraged and upset. Hooray for noticing God winking at me ;)
What was I thinking?
I have wrote, and rewrote this note many times because I really am having a hard time explaining why I left Indiana to see what else is out there for me. Since every paragraph I kept trying to write would have hurt someone’s feelings or caused other’s to assume and make this trip out to be something it is not I have decided to keep this brief.
The past month I have been reevaluating my life and running away from issues to try and rediscover who I am and where God wants me. Three months ago I would have told you that I was going to be a wife and mother and could not wait to marry the man of my dreams; since then, he left. I also would have told you how much I loved working at Kruse and how it really was the perfect timing for me to get hired in; and then they let me go. A few days after that I decided to go on a road trip and help out Monica for a week or so and had a great time. I got to take a deep breath and while my phone still rang with issues that were waiting for me when I got back, they did not seem as bad at the moment. Then I came home for a week and surrounded myself with art and throwing everything in my life away. Literally, I threw away 10 15 gallon bags of stuff and if you have seen my room I don’t even know where it all fit but I did know that I wanted nothing to do with possessions anymore.
Last week I was at CIY and I could no longer hide and suppress my emotions that I had been feeling. The week began and it was overwhelming for me to let myself feel the pain that I had been feeling for months but once I let that happen I could not stop and as I broke through the chains of hatred and anger I could see clearly that I needed to get my life back on track. At the end of the week I was asked what I had gained from CIY and I said “I think I got my smile back” and was instantly given affirmation that I was right and that people were happy that I was finally back to being Marci.
I came home excited because I thought I knew what my next step was and how I could further God’s Kingdom but within a matter of a few hours I was back to broken and wishing that I was anywhere but where I was. Even the next day as I sat with Monica she watched as my mood changed in front of her eyes and I was just in desperate need to be somewhere else, which surprised even me because Monica had been my haven throughout these trials. Sunday night and all day Monday I just kept struggling so I talked out my situation with Matt and I knew that I needed to leave Auburn as soon as possible.
Matt has watched me get overly excited about new ideas I have and has constantly reminded me to “not put all my eggs in one basket”. As I told him about how I could go stay in Georgia for awhile he said something I never thought he would say: “Put all your eggs in one basket and go”. That was all I needed. I knew he meant business and I knew that was the last push that I needed. We came up with a plan and I was to leave the next afternoon.
I woke up the next day terrified that my plan was going to fail and I would just be crushed but I was so wrong. The plan I created did fail but God’s plan went better than expected and I was on the road in a few hours. So now my journey begins. I don’t know what I will be doing or how it is going to turn out but I can say that I am so excited!
The past month I have been reevaluating my life and running away from issues to try and rediscover who I am and where God wants me. Three months ago I would have told you that I was going to be a wife and mother and could not wait to marry the man of my dreams; since then, he left. I also would have told you how much I loved working at Kruse and how it really was the perfect timing for me to get hired in; and then they let me go. A few days after that I decided to go on a road trip and help out Monica for a week or so and had a great time. I got to take a deep breath and while my phone still rang with issues that were waiting for me when I got back, they did not seem as bad at the moment. Then I came home for a week and surrounded myself with art and throwing everything in my life away. Literally, I threw away 10 15 gallon bags of stuff and if you have seen my room I don’t even know where it all fit but I did know that I wanted nothing to do with possessions anymore.
Last week I was at CIY and I could no longer hide and suppress my emotions that I had been feeling. The week began and it was overwhelming for me to let myself feel the pain that I had been feeling for months but once I let that happen I could not stop and as I broke through the chains of hatred and anger I could see clearly that I needed to get my life back on track. At the end of the week I was asked what I had gained from CIY and I said “I think I got my smile back” and was instantly given affirmation that I was right and that people were happy that I was finally back to being Marci.
I came home excited because I thought I knew what my next step was and how I could further God’s Kingdom but within a matter of a few hours I was back to broken and wishing that I was anywhere but where I was. Even the next day as I sat with Monica she watched as my mood changed in front of her eyes and I was just in desperate need to be somewhere else, which surprised even me because Monica had been my haven throughout these trials. Sunday night and all day Monday I just kept struggling so I talked out my situation with Matt and I knew that I needed to leave Auburn as soon as possible.
Matt has watched me get overly excited about new ideas I have and has constantly reminded me to “not put all my eggs in one basket”. As I told him about how I could go stay in Georgia for awhile he said something I never thought he would say: “Put all your eggs in one basket and go”. That was all I needed. I knew he meant business and I knew that was the last push that I needed. We came up with a plan and I was to leave the next afternoon.
I woke up the next day terrified that my plan was going to fail and I would just be crushed but I was so wrong. The plan I created did fail but God’s plan went better than expected and I was on the road in a few hours. So now my journey begins. I don’t know what I will be doing or how it is going to turn out but I can say that I am so excited!
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